V. Hell
I heard a statement on a movie called Baskin from a striking and rather sadistic and demonic man. He stated that, ‘Hell resides in you.’ I immediately agreed. There’s nothing more painful than the anguish one can suffer from their own mind, whatever is bugging you, whatever you’re afraid, why you’re so mad, and why you’re so sad. It is with loss that I realized this. We embrace a path in life and that path can lead us to good things or it can lead us into a hole in which we cannot get out of. Hell is more mental than physical. Not that I’m saying that the Hell in the Bible isn’t an actual lake of fire, maybe it is maybe it isn't, but I do feel that the mental anguish we can feel in this life based on whatever the circumstance, is like fire. A damn near unconquerable thing that if you don’t check it or get control of it, all the negative of experiences can consume your mind thus your day and overall decisions, hurting and suffocating you, killing you in who you are or driving you toward suicide. In some cases there’s nowhere to go to get away from mental pain which leads me to believe that it is that thing that stays with you when you die. That when you die, all these lingering issues in the mind is what makes or creates Hell. Think of peace of mind, how valuable it is because it is an inner peace, your day without aggravation, without agitation, your day with satisfaction and everyday knowing there is no problem you can’t handle, knowing you have a handle on every step you take. This is Heaven. I don’t think you have to die physically to find it but I do know that you have to fight for it. And I’m not talking about people being the problem, because personally speaking people have been and can be annoying but their actions and words are never anything to tear my life apart about. I’m talking about the many vexations that come with your everyday. From the things that bother you, frighten you, chain you down, make you feel suffocated, to the things you cling to, you’re compelled by and so forth. People are so quick to say they would rather cry in a Rolls Royce. But when you’re suffering from the thing that’s bothering or hurting you, when it’s mental anguish, you can’t even see that Rolls Royce. You can’t even see those material things. At least, I couldn’t. All I could see was my pain. All I wanted was to get away from it. Growing up I could do that. Blessed with good fortune, that is, my mind, and all the places it would take me, I had no issues getting away in the dark, the light, cold, or heat from mental or physical pain. However, my mind couldn’t drown out the pain I felt when I lost my mother. Other people’s silly bullshit, whether it was cruelty or selfish ignorance, couldn’t drown out that pain either. I was in a miserable fog and just had to endure it. It was go forth and that’s it. I went forth as hard as that was and things didn’t get easier and I was mad at myself for ever thinking it was supposed to. That was a lie in a life that was never easy. Thus the path of being lost came just this easy to grief and a silly idea. But, there is never anything wrong with thinking, that’s enough pain I’m tired of doing battle. Hell is the mental anguish but I came to an issue when I wondered if it’s constantly having to fight as well. The fight is tricky. Some people fight their whole lives for all the things they simply need. It's not life's cruelty. It's people's cruelty. The ones that are in constant control can change things to help make life easier to live but would rather not for some reason or another. Give some some people a little power and most people will choose to be the devil. The fight is not divine. It's made by humans. Some of us look to God, Christ, and the Spirit of God to help us in our fight getting to our simple goals. And They do help, because I've had shitty experiences with people from the born day up to now. When you're young and you don't know any better, people will blame their bad treatment on you but it's really them and whatever the fuck is wrong with them. Hell is mental, internal, and the fight in life for your life is to do with humanity. Fight on, seeing and focusing on the opportunities, keeping, clinging to hope, having faith in yourself, staying vigilant and pushing all the negative away so you can go forth even when things are stopping you. Now a person reading this would say, okay toni so what the hell is your point. My point is, I think Hell is a mental punishment after we die that consists of all the evil things we have done in this life. Some times for some people they have done terrible things and there is always a reminder of it, they always have to see it, they always have to face it and fight with it, and that will happen to us when we die with horrible sins; this is what Hell is. I don't think anyone should let anything convince them that it doesn't matter what you do in this life. Hell is that truly evil, horrible mean and unjustified shit, that stays with you throughout life and eventually tortures you and follows you into death and eternity. The remedy for this is to change, change before you die, confess even if it's just to yourself, your sins, and repent through Christ, meaning apologize to the Holy Trinity and never ever do it again. Life is hard but only because so many people make it so. Be careful on your path because there are those who want to be the devil. And, good luck.