XV. Death
for Robert Earl Keel Jr. (dougbug)
__I used to see death as the end of life experience that’s dictated by pastors and preachers. You die and your soul moves into either Heaven or Hell after judgment. I wish I could ask people to tell their story of what they think happens after we die. To tell the truth, I expect everyone to say the exact same thing. There are the stories of judgment that involve being dragged away by demons into a fiery pit of darkness and fire or being uplifted by angels into a beautiful heaven of paradise. I don’t think these are wrong, but they're not completely right either. My understanding of death comes from the information I have gotten over the years of my life. And this information isn’t just thrown out, it was examined, ripped apart and put back together until it worked or made sense as I went along.
Everything to do with life begins with the cell and all its energy as they join together to create the human being. Once we’re born, throughout our lives, from baby to tween, to teen into adulthood; our soul and spirit are created. To me, the soul and spirit means essentially who we really are, which is who we have chosen to be and become throughout our lives or at a certain point in our lives. When we die, whatever the cause may be, buried or cremated, our bodies, our cells return to the earth as it was, and the spirit shall return unto God who gave it (Ecclesiastes 12:7). Because, from the earth cells became and evolved into living organisms and emerged and expanded into creating the human being. I believe from death comes a continuation of life; rebirth, reincarnation, or another form of existence in another time, another dimension, or another life. Regardless, it would be a better existence, a happier existence or paradise. I believe we move on to be whatever we want to be. And who's to say whether this would be as a human being, maybe we choose to be a bird or some other life form; it would be entirely up to us. And it all being up to us or solely our decision; is a part of being in Heaven. Because what does Heaven mean but paradise, and what is paradise but our ideal or idyllic state of being or maybe nirvana if we so desire. We are energy, a soul, a spirit, existing throughout time and space on earth or elsewhere. Life after death can be whatever we want it to be.
I have lost my mother and my father in 2011, my aunt 2010, and my grandfather 2008, and I lost my second oldest brother Robert Jr. last year in April 2022. The thought of a Heaven or Hell judgment based on a person’s life’s path, which is always influenced by people directly and indirectly, does not make sense to me. I look back at my life and experiences and cannot help but see how other people’s selfishness and cruelty influenced my path in negative ways. Human interaction and human interference influences a lot of things. I know God, who is all knowing, can see what I have seen about my life and everyone else’s. I know God who is the Truth knows what life is like as a human being. Honestly, I have never been able to fully believe that God cares about most of the things we do. God cares about people and all life forms, but not most of the stuff we do. God doesn’t care about our sexual orientation. God doesn’t care about you being mean, racist, or crazy. God knows what evil is, which are actions with the sole intent to cause harm. The 10 commandments are all terrible paths that only lead to the Devil, an eventual hole that people will not be able to get out of. That hole can be death, suffering, mental or physical tribulation. And even with the evil actions of other people, I know God does not wait until we die to curse us. If God is ever to curse anyone, it will be while we are alive. The only thing I think God hates the most in the world of human beings is slavery. And I mean, any type of slavery even if it involves only one person. I believe God curses the people that make slaves out of other people and for the simple fact that God sees us as all the same. Who is anyone to think they’re better than someone else? But, condemn someone to a particular fiery Hell because of the decisions they made not knowing any better or the decisions they made because they had to, or stupid decisions; I don’t believe God wastes time with these things. God is the Creator and the Creator has more worlds than this one. I don’t believe God is so consumed with concern about us and this world as many different types of leaders have tried to make so many believe, nor do I believe that God is caring to see or know of every single sin we commit. People are not going to be condemned to Hell because of their faults, mistakes, stupid decisions, including the decisions some of us had to make. If anything condemns us to a Hell it will be ourselves. That's why so many people forgive themselves for the terrible things they have done. When my brother, Robert Jr., got out of prison, I didn't even let him start in apologizing and holding on to the past. First off, he was a child and you have to be taught what to do and what not to do. He didn't have any good male influences around him. I didn't let him hold on to the past in any way, let it all go and move on; and he did and was doing great.
I believe death is a continuation of life in whatever form we desire. And whatever we desire; is our Heaven. And Hell; this is us not forgiving ourselves or trying to justify actions that were pure evil despite the TRUTH. The mind is very powerful. I’ve had the worst experiences, being treated in the worst way, it was Hell on earth and my body was in Hell, but my mind could never stay in Hell. The mind is the creator of Hell. Not that there aren't negative energies out there facilitating these dark things, because there are. I realized looking back at my mother's life and relationship with her cruel first husband that people are the devils and demons, and even though this evil person created their own Hell, devils do not want to be in Hell alone. In short, people end up in Hell while we're on this earth. A lot of us see only the good things and look only for the good things in life. It doesn’t matter how that mental capability got there and don’t you ever let anyone convince you that something is wrong with you because you can see things this way if you can. Then there are some of us who can only see all the bad things in life or mostly bad things. A lot of people see something scary on the evening news and their own mind will have them terrified to go outside or encounter people. The mind is powerful and can be relentless in adding narratives to information and exaggerating bad things. How your mind can consume you even to the point where it dictates what you see and what the truth is has always been one of the most powerful parts of being a human being. Our minds make us who we are because if we lost our minds we would lose who we are. And who you have become, who you are, is your spirit, your soul. Heaven and Hell depend on us. God can determine what happens to us after death, but God doesn't because God doesn't have to. It is only us who determines what happens after death. God is life, the essential existence, the life cell, boundless, the elements of the earth and existence that are everything all organisms must have to live. When we die, we would seek God and God would know exactly where we are and that would be enough. For the gospels has for this purpose been preached even to those who are dead, that though they are judged in the flesh as people, they may live in the spirit according to the will of God (1 Peter 4:6). And God is the Truth, so God can see who we had been, but knows who we tried so desperately to be or who we truly are. So it will be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is down is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body (1 Corinthians 15:42-45).
I know my brother, Robert Jr., can only feel all of our love. I know he can slumber in that great cradle of love if he wants for as long as he wants. I know that no matter what, he has a limitless peace and happiness, and he knows that it will not ever end. I know he can experience the happiest times of his life over and over if he wants. I know that pain cannot ever find him or touch him again. This helps me smile, and gives me some peace with death.